


Title Of Your Sextape

by anyrei, mugglerock



Series: Destiel Advent Calendar 2019 [6]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Can Potentially Get You Laid, Crack, Disclaimer: Title of your Sextape Jokes, If Used Correctly, M/M, Merry Smutmas, Sextape, Smut, Welcome Back Ghostfacers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2019-12-08
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:36:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21720034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anyrei/pseuds/anyrei, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mugglerock/pseuds/mugglerock
Summary: Cas watches Brooklyn 99. He tries out the “title of your sextape” joke.If you read this anywhere that is not ao3 this content was stolen without the author's consent! Pls don't support thieves! Read this on ao3!
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Destiel Advent Calendar 2019 [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1558915
Comments: 12
Kudos: 194
Collections: The AnyRock Collection





	Title Of Your Sextape

**Author's Note:**

> Frankie here: So, not all the fics in this advent calendar will have a holiday theme. Most of them, but not all of them. I blame us getting carried away by the damn plot bunnies and just forgetting to throw something holiday-ish in there. Instead, have a Merry Smutmas!

**Day 8 - Title Of Your Sextape**

Cas thought he was slowly starting to understand the jokes of his new favorite series on Netflix. Someone needed to say something that could be interpreted in a sexual way, and he would need to reply with, “Title of your sextape.” 

It was his umpteenth attempt at learning about humor. It wasn’t easy, but he had watched enough episodes of Brooklyn 99 to get a feeling for how the joke worked. Now he just needed to pay attention to what Dean was saying, and hope he would say something that could be interpreted as a double entendre.

They were on a case. There had been an old church in Warnego, Kansas complete with cemetery, that had been converted into a schoolhouse, and eventually a library. It was honestly surprising they hadn’t gotten a case to this exact location sooner, but then, this wasn’t your average apocalypse.

When Dean pulled up to the all but abandoned parking lot in front of the dilapidated building, he cut the engine and started rifling through the glove compartment. 

Cas took that moment to evaluate the location. It wasn’t often that haunted places actually  _ looked  _ haunted. That was when a foreign object made of iron was pressed against his chest.

Dean flashed him a smile. “Iron brass knuckles.”

Cas returned the smile and slipped them over his fingers. “Thank you. I’m sure we will get this done quickly. We only need to find the object the ghost is tethered to.” He tilted his head. “Don’t you think it’s weird that the house looks like a cliché haunted house?”

Dean shrugged as he slipped his own brass knuckles on. Cas pointedly ignored the fact that they had the British Men of Letters insignia on them. “I mean, sometimes haunted places look haunted? I wouldn’t worry about it.”

“I wouldn’t worry about it. Title of your sex tape,” Cas replied with a grin.

That was met with a furrowed brow as Dean stared at Cas like he’d grown a second pair of wings. “What?”

"Humor, Dean. I'm trying it out. Was that not good?" Cas asked, tilting his head. He thought he had nailed it. Maybe he needed to wait for Dean to say something that would work better.

Instead of answering him, that was met with an eye roll as he got out of the car and waved for Cas to follow him. “Anything in the dossier about what we’re coming up against? Or should we just burn the whole damn place down?”

Cas followed him quickly and shook his head. "It's probably not the house itself. The history recorded that the haunting started much later than when the house was built. So I suspect an item. I read everything about the history of that house, and there was the murder of a young man back in the fifties. So I suspect the item we're looking for is from that era."

“Great… so we’re lookin’ for a needle in a haystack.”

Cas squinted his eyes at him. "The title of your sextape?"

Dean gave him an unamused expression that rivaled one of his brother’s “bitch faces”. “Is this a, ‘that’s what she said,’ thing?”

“Yes, I think so?" Cas smiled at him again. "I'm trying to wait for you to say something that could have a double meaning. It's not easy, but I think I'm slowly getting the hang of it."

As Dean rifled through the trunk of the Impala for their needed supplies, he said, “You shouldn’t have told me that, now I’m gonna avoid saying dirty stuff.”

"Now I'm gonna avoid saying dirty stuff. Title of your sex tape," Cas replied with a big grin.

Dean narrowed his eyes at Cas as he handed him a duffel bag of rock salt. “You’re a dick.”

Cas shouldered it and sighed. He still hadn't managed to make Dean laugh. He would need to try better. 

The door to the house was unlocked, and made a creepy sound when he opened it. "Be careful," he murmured before he stepped over the threshold and into the dusty hallway, using his hand to get rid of some cobwebs.

Dean held up his industrial flashlight and started clearing out the rooms. “You got the EMF reader?”

Cas pulled it out of his trench coat pocket and held it up. All the red lights were on and it was beeping. "It's either a very strong ghost or it's close."

“Unless it’s more than one,” Dean said.

Cas wondered if that was a good moment for the joke. "Unless it's more than one? Title of your sextape?" Cas asked with a careful smirk, hoping this time he had it right.

Dean let out a frustrated groan. “Dude, come on.”

"And that's the name of the sequel," Cas added, now smirking for real.

“Should’ve left you at home,” Dean grumbled as he made his way into a large parlor turned study room. The EMF reader was going berserk as Dean exhaled a foggy breath from a sudden cold patch. “Ding ding ding, we have a winner.”

Cas tried to concentrate on the job and not to feel hurt by Dean's comment. He knew Dean didn't mean it. He was just in a very bad mood for some reason, and Cas was sure it had nothing to do with him. 

He poured salt around them to protect them before he looked around. The desk had old books lying around, and even more cobwebs. "Maybe it's a book?"

“What makes you think that?” Dean asked, as he started going through the objects on a mantle of a cold, neglected fireplace.

"Because there are a lot of books in here and the ghost seems to like this place. Ghosts are often drawn to the objects they are tethered to," Cas explained, slowly circling the room. “Maybe look for something with less dust on it.”

“Dustier than your sex life?” Dean returned with a bark of laughter. 

Cas raised his eyebrow. Oh, so Dean was joking back now. "You mean, dustier than my sex life, title of your sex tape."

Dean shook his head. “Can’t reuse my insult. That’s cheating.”

"I can't remember reading any rules for that joke. Also 'that's cheating', title of your sextape," Cas retorted.

“You’re a hooker,” Dean said in an exaggerated tone, clearly referencing something.

"You're a hooker, title of your sex tape. And you're making this too easy now," Cas complained with a head shake, thumbing through the contents of one of the book shelves.

“You’re making this too easy now, title of  _ your  _ sextape,” Dean returned as he proceeded to throw a dusty magazine at Cas. 

Cas couldn't help but laugh as he ducked Dean's projectile. "If you keep throwing things at me, I'm sure our ghost will turn up."

Dean grinned and threw a porcelain figurine at Cas. It missed without Cas even attempting to duck the projectile, and shattered on the floor. The shattering was followed by an eerie groan.

Cas looked around, wondering where the sound was coming from. "I think our ghost doesn't like you breaking his things," Cas murmured, before he swiped a snowglobe off the shelf, shattering when it hit the ground.

Which was followed by a hellish wail. 

“Break more shit,” Dean said as he knocked over an antique globe, the wood cracking against the cold concrete.

Cas didn't get to break anymore stuff before the ghost suddenly appeared right in front of Dean, throwing him into the bookshelf. "Dean!" A quick look showed him the hunter would be okay before he jumped on the ghost, punching it with the brass knuckles. The ghost wailed and vanished, and Cas used the opportunity to quickly pour more salt around Dean before kneeling next to him. "Are you alright?"

Dean let out a groan and nodded. “I’m fine. Fucker’s strong.”

"It came out when you smashed the globe. Maybe we should burn the rest of it," Cas replied thoughtfully, pressing his fingers to Dean's forehead. His grace was fluctuating but he could still manage to free Dean from the pain.

That was met with a nod as Dean pulled out his Zippo lighter and started crawling to the shattered remains of the globe. “That all of it?” he asked as he fumbled to spark the flint.

“That’s all of it? Title of your sex tape,” Cas commented as he pushed the rest of the pieces towards Dean.

“If you don’t cut it out, I’m canceling your Netflix subscription,” Dean growled as he frantically tried to get the lighter to ignite.

“I think that also would be a good title for your sextape.” Cas couldn’t help himself.

Dean audibly sighed. “Cas… I swear to god…” and the lighter finally ignited. Dean pumped his fist and proceeded to douse the remains of the snow globe in lighter fluid.

“Cas… I swear to god,” Cas repeated and grinned. “And now we have the title of the sequel.” The moment the words left his lips he realized what he was insinuating. He felt warmth rising to his face, which didn’t originate from the now burning globe. 

The ghost appeared with an agonizing scream, going up in flames as the rest of the globe turned into ash.

Cas swallowed dryly when he looked at the pile of ash. “Um, I… didn’t mean to say that… I would appear in your sex tape.”

Dean’s expression was blank and clearly unamused. There was a beat of awkward silence before Dean said, “That’s the title of your sex tape.”

"Wait?" Cas tilted his head. "What? Are you saying we would be in each other’s sextape?"

“Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying.” Cas wasn’t all that good with sarcasm, and he was struggling to understand if Dean was being sincere.

"Dean," he breathed out, not knowing what he wanted to say as he leaned against the desk. "I... um..."

Dean quirked his brow at Cas. “What’s wrong with you?”

"Nothing," Cas shook his head. He must have been wrong. Dean clearly didn't think of him in that way. "I guess we're done here." He pulled out the EMF reader, but it wasn't reacting anymore. Apparently they had found the ghost.

“Title of your sex tape,” Dean quipped with a smirk.

"Yes, sounds like me," Cas replied with a frown. What was he thinking? That Dean really could be interested in him that way? He thought he was over the notion, hoping Dean would see him that way. 

Dean approached before he chucked Cas’s chin. “Why the serious face?”

Cas scrunched up his nose and pulled his face away from Dean. "I just think I took the joke too far. It's not funny anymore."

“Honestly, it was never funny,” he teased as he nudged his hip against Cas’s.

“You smirked when you made the joke. I saw it,” Cas commented, realizing that Dean was trying to lift Cas’s mood now. “Also ‘Honestly it was never funny’, title of your sex tape.”

“You smirked when you made the joke: title of your sex tape.” Dean winked at him.

Cas snorted and shook his head. “That was really bad, Dean.” He winked back at him, just because Dean had done it too.

Dean stepped closer. “That was really bad, Dean: title of your sex tape.”

Cas's breathing hitched as he felt the tension between them rising, with Dean's eyes trained on him. He had no idea where the sudden bravery was coming from. "That doesn't sound like a realistic title of my sex tape. I think it would have a nicer title with you in it."

Dean’s eyebrows shot up as he stepped closer still. “That right?”

Cas licked over his suddenly too dry lips. "I'm very sure."

Dean casually draped his arms over Cas’s shoulders. “Like?”

Cas hummed and smiled softly at him. "Probably something like, 'you make me feel like I can fly again."

Dean chuckled. “Corny,” he said as he leaned in, lips a breath away.

“Do you have a better idea?” Cas challenged, and he hoped it sounded more confident than he was feeling in that moment.

Instead of answering, Dean closed the gap between them and pressed a kiss to his lips.

Never in a million years had Cas expected Dean to kiss him. For a second he had no idea how to react, until instincts took over and he grabbed the sides of Dean's face to kiss him back. Not only that, but he also pushed his tongue into Dean's mouth, exploring him like he had learned from the pizza man movie all those years ago. It was overwhelming, feeling Dean like this, finally being able to touch him in a way that he had only day-dreamed of.

Dean lifted Cas onto the nearby desk, never once breaking contact as he continued to explore with his lips and tongue.

Cas groaned and crossed his legs behind Dean to pull him close, his hands finding Dean's shirt buttons and carefully opening them.

That was met with an almost growl of a chuckle, the buttons flying everywhere as Dean ripped opened his shirt, revealing his naked torso before diving in for another kiss.

Cas hummed in pleasure as his fingers trailed over Dean's chest, toying with his nipple before running his palm down his body. He grabbed Dean's sides to hold him close. "Dean," he breathed out in between kisses. "I want you."

“Title of your sex tape,” he murmured as he gripped Cas’s tie in one hand, and started unbuttoning Cas’s shirt with the other.

Cas quickly pushed his shirt off as soon as the buttons were open. "Yes, that's definitely the title," he groaned before stroking his palm over Dean's erection, the rough material of Dean's jeans getting in the way.  He couldn't stop the growl as he opened Dean's belt, losing no time in opening the button and zipper next.

Dean groaned as he yanked his pants down to his knees, freeing his cock, erect and now within reach as he went for Cas’s belt.

His fingers shot forward and wrapped around Dean’s cock without thinking about it. It felt hot and velvety against his fingertips, and Cas started to experimentally stroke it. 

“Fuck, Cas,” Dean gasped out as he frantically tried to get Cas’s pants down. “Naked. Now.”

Cas helped him, quickly pushing them down to his ankles together with his underwear, before kicking them off. "Dean... what... what do you want?"

Instead of answering, Dean gripped Cas’s cock and started stroking him. “You.”

"How?" Cas gasped as he leaned against the desk, needing something to hold onto.

“However far you wanna go,” he murmured against the side of his neck as he started pumping Cas a little faster.

Cas groaned and nuzzled his nose against the side of his face; his hand grabbed Dean's cock and started to stroke him at the same pace as Dean's. "I want to feel you. I want to have sex with you, Dean. So much." He knew he was babbling, but Dean was robbing every clear thought from his mind with his strong, calloused fingers.

Dean nodded against his cheek. “Me too, but maybe when we’re home, in a nice, warm bed.” Dean captured his lips in another kiss as he started stroking Cas even faster.

"Yes," Cas gasped out, and it was both a reply to what Dean had said and an exclamation of how much he liked what Dean was doing to him. "Yes, that sounds perfect. I... Dean... you're making me crazy."

That was met with a groaned laugh as Dean breathed out, “Title of your sextape.”

Cas moaned and laughed at the same time, "More like title of  _ our _ sextape."

“I like the sound of that,” he gasped before drawing Cas in for a needy kiss, gently teasing his balls with one hand as the other continued to stroke him. 

“Uh, Dean, fuck.” Cas rarely cursed, but he blamed Dean’s clever fingers for making him come so quickly. He gasped as he came hard, his semen painting the head of Dean’s cock. 

Dean groaned as he kissed Cas again, murmuring a soft, “Fucking beautiful,” against his lips.

“Title of your sex tape,” Cas murmured with a contented grin, before he resumed stroking Dean’s hard cock, kissing him back with everything he had.

Dean gasped against his lips when he quickly spilled his seed over Cas’s hand. His eyes were hooded, and smile lopsided in a sated tilt.

“You’re so hot,” Cas breathed out. He hadn’t planned to say it like that, but his mind was still fogged from the orgasm.

Dean barked out a laugh and pressed a kiss to his nose. “Alright, Paris. We should probably get home.”

Cas didn’t know why Dean was calling him a city in Europe, but it didn’t matter. He just happily smiled back and nodded.

**…. :::: :::: ….**

A few days later (after spending almost every moment of the day having sex, because Dean had explained they had a lot of catching up to do) Dean was waving him towards the open laptop in front of him, frowning at the screen. Cas put the beer on the library table in front of him before he stepped beside Dean, trying to see what he was doing. “What is it?”

“Remember that stupid joke you kept trying to make?” Dean asked with an almost pained groan.

“Title of your sextape?” Cas asked with a smile. The joke had a special place in his heart now. It was the joke that had brought them together.

Dean sighed and said, “That’s the title of our sex tape.”

“What?” Cas frowned and followed Dean’s eyes to the screen of the laptop. There was a video on this internet site with all the cat videos. Cas tilted his head as he read the title of the video. “Title of your sextape: sextape,” he murmured before he looked at the preview of the video. It was them… in the haunted house, having sex. “Why is there a sextape of us?”

Dean pressed play and an obnoxious theme song started playing before the word, “Ghostfacers!” Played over and over. Under the logo of the same name was the word: “livestream.”

“Those fuckers were monitoring the ghost activity, and because it was live…” Dean groaned again and dropped his head to the table.

“So, ‘Title of your Sextape…’ is the title of our sextape?” Cas frowned and gave Dean a long look before he growled, “I will shatter their Shatner.”

The End.


End file.
